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| 發奮圖強，不忘本.
Moving forward steadily, yet won't forget my origin, and my basic tasks.
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| I remember I had an entry about how I could not get my driving permit, which was already almost 2 years ago.
Finally I got one now, probably will learn driving soon.
Research is going steadily after switching group...
I am looking forward to this coming year, it will be a good one.
Want to learn what I need to learn.. and finish my work here earlier.
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| So much has happened since my last entry, so much happened that it made me understand myself more.
One thing is that I finally switched lab, an event that signified how my dream meets the reality of the world and my capability.
I have never been interested in the atomic research that my ex-advisor has been doing, but I was still attracted to working in her lab, because we planned to use what she is working on, to do revolutionary DNA sequencing method, an idea that coincide with my dream. It only turned out that, I overestimated her interest in my final research goal, her understanding about how to do it, and my independent research ability, and I also didn't realize how the research works in school. So.. I was just ignorant. Since when? Last year? 2 years ago? I came to grad school with a dream, with a believe that I can do this. I had always wanted to be a scientist, because I wanted to solve mystery in my life, questions that I wanted answers. There is something I don't understand, and I want to know, and since my science subjects were always good but not other subjects, I came down this road until now. I remember my mother said that I maybe good to become a doctor, but then I thought, if I am to cure people, or even people that I care, then I may try to do it in a more fundamental way, it is what drove me to biophysics research. However, In my senior year in college, I started not able to get good results in one of physics courses.. I panicked, worried that I may need more time to prepare for my graduate school life. But then my research got published in Science, it eased my worries, and thought that I may be still be great at physics, I may still be able to be an excellent scientist, I may still be able to carry out my dream, I just needed to play less, I just need to concentrate more, then I would still be able to do it easily.
Really? Only until recently that I know things are not always easy. Things don't go smoothly all the time, and things need to be pursued to happen. I was so lost in my first year here, I don't get good grades as easily as before, or did I try? I asked God whether I really have to do it alone, can I have someone accompany me going toward my dream. She appeared, since then I don't feel doing it alone anymore.
Since then I understand more and more about how this world work... I realized I just didn't experience much, and there are still so much that I don't know about.
My friend recently pointed out that I didn't publish any paper in the last 2 and a half years, and asked me whether I realized that.
It is not the only thing that I realized. The fact that I realize how hard it is to bridge a dream to reality, maybe bad, or maybe good.
At least, it is the first step.
And now, I just need to find out how I should do it.
Guidance is out there, it is just, it is not given, and I have to figure out a way to find it myself.
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| Lot of things going on, so it is life.
I am happy about myself, since my life is much more fortunate then a lot of people in the world from a standard point of view.
However I believe, if there is room to improve our life, why not do it? There is only one life for each of us anyway.
Question is what is meant by improvement, which is vague and always customized to individuals, and yet there is still a standard recognized by most people...
Over heard someone said last night "Life without passion is unforgivable", I guess in a lot of time it is true. One thing to think about is that, who is the one who is doing the forgiving? Ourselves? Others? It comes down to who is responsible for our lives.
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| I see the light, it is bright, and it is every where.
But I can't see anything else, nothing but white color with various intensity, it is a blare.
I want to stay there.
It is pretty.
It is simple.
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